Where the Light Goes by Sara Barnard - Review

When I was at Northern YA Lit Fest in July, Sara Barnard was one of the panellists and she was as always brilliant and she was talking about this book so I bought it and got her to sign it. I picked it up a couple of weeks ago and although I found it a very hard read I also thought it was absolutely brilliant. 

You see, it is about a sixteen year old girl, Emmy, whose famous sister, Beth, takes her own life. That is a harrowing subject anyway, but this is also something I have personal experience of. My dad took his own life way back in 2008 when I was just 24. I fully believe that I lost my mind for a while afterwards in the grief, and I have certainly never been the same person since. I have spent the last fifteen years trying in small ways to destigmatise suicide and I've read with interest The Samaritans' tips on how to report suicide, and I never use the phrase "commit suicide" for instance as it's just SO bad. So I was immediately interested when Sara talked about the fact that she lost a friend to suicide a few years ago and that she is a volunteer for The Samaritans and that she had paid good attention to the media rules and had woven this into the book. She made the point that we should never know exactly how someone high profile has died which is definitely not something that the press has done in recent years and which they definitely should be ashamed of. 

I spoke to Sara briefly about this as she was signing the book and mentioned my dad and said how I feel like having police involved in a death is just adding insult to injury. It's horrible when you have to do a public inquest and your own dad is in the newspaper and stuff like that. I feel like because Beth in the book is famous, this point was really brought across to the reader because obviously there's massive press interest in her story, in her life and in her death. 

So Beth has been famous since she was sixteen and at the time of her death she is twenty one. She got famous on something a bit like The X Factor with her band, The Jinks, which was comprised of Beth, aka Lizzie Beck, and her best friends Jodie, Aiya, and Tam. However, she has had drug and alcohol problems and she was on the verge of leaving the band. She had been in rehab. Her and Emmy's dad, Malcolm, was one of the band's managers, so in the weeks after her death he is quite absent, doing band things. 

Emmy is sixteen and has just finished drama school, at a place called Shona Lee, but she hopes to return to it for the sixth form. She absolutely idolised her sister and she is a singer herself and wants to be famous too. But she understands that there's a difference between Lizzie Beck the pop star and Beth her sister. She knows that Beth was far from perfect, but she just can't get her head round Beth's suicide. She has a best friend, Grey, and two other girls she's really close with, but she ends up pushing them away because she just doesn't know what to say. She also pushes away her boyfriend, Scottie. 

The story is so well told, told in the ninety days following Beth's death. The times when Emmy just can't put herself together. The times she needs her mum, who hides herself away and won't talk to Emmy. The times when she needs her dad, who is still busy with the band, who Emmy thinks have betrayed Beth. The times when Emmy herself does bad or misjudged things which are the reader you TOTALLY get. As I say, I did some fucking weird things in the aftermath of my dad's death, and I was a fully grown adult who was married and had a job! Suicide is its own particular kind of pain and Sara encapsulates that beautifully. You can tell she has experience of it. 

I will also mention the writing. The book isn't told in prose, wholly. There's more prose towards the end and I think this is when Emmy begins to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At the beginning, when she's massively grieving and is just reeling from the shock, the writing is all over the place. There are just little vignettes as Emmy lurches from day to day. I think this is a brilliant way of writing grief. 

I would recommend this book a hundred percent if you think it's something you can cope with. The writing is beautiful. The story is lush - you desperately want Emmy to be okay, you want to give her a hug, and I wanted to tell her that she would survive, that she would not only survive but she would thrive, that she would be happy again, and that she would always always miss her sister, but she would always honour her memory too. If I could give this more than five out of five, I would. 

If Tomorrow Doesn't Come by Jen St Jude - Review and Blog Tour

Hello and welcome to my blog for my stop on the tour for If Tomorrow Doesn't Come by Jen St Jude! It is a pleasure to welcome you here. Please do click around and read some of my other reviews. I read a lot of queer YA so you will probably find something you like here too. I liked the sound of this book so signed up immediately for the tour. I liked the book and would definitely read something else by the same author. It's a strong debut! 

So I knew right from the off that there was a lot of talk of suicide in the book, so I want to give the same trigger warning here. Suicide is a massive trigger for me, but I did know going into the book that Avery, the main character, is about to take her own life right at the beginning of the book. That meant it was okay for me to read, and not triggering, but I did find it a difficult and sad read and I would warn for this for other readers too. I have lost someone close to suicide, and suffer with depression and anxiety myself, so I empathised with Avery and felt very sad for her. I hope that if this book will be difficult for you to read that you will take care of yourself. 

So all that aside, the book. Avery is a freshman at Eaton College which is a few hours away from her home in New Hampshire. She is a soccer player and shares her room with another soccer player, Aisha, who is Nigerian. It is Avery's nineteenth birthday and she has decided to end her life. She is struggling at college, finding it hard to make friends, finding soccer hard, and feeling like she has to hide the fact that she is gay. She has failed one class and can't see a way round it. She has also fallen out with her best friend of several years, Cass, who she's in love with. Cass is also gay and has been out forever, and the two had a moment when Avery visited Cass in New York, but then everything went sour and they have barely spoken since. Avery's mum's sister also took her own life on the day Avery was born, and Avery has lived with that ever since (something I very much understand and empathised with). So Avery has written some notes (I would point out that the majority of people who die by suicide DON'T leave a note, but Avery does) and walked down to the river.

However, then she gets a phone call from Cass. She is panicking, trying to tell Avery the news. Hackers have hacked into NASA and discovered that there is an asteroid heading towards earth. It is supposedly going to hit Arizona and take out a lot of the United States, and its impact will be felt worldwide. It is going to hit in nine days and everyone is panicking. 

Avery runs back to her dorm and finds that Aisha is trying to work out how to get home to Nigeria. Cass is trying to get home to Kilkenny from NYC, so Avery wants to go there too. People are leaving Eaton College in droves. Avery and Aisha manage to get a lift to Boston with a professor, and the professor whose class Avery has failed cadges a lift too, with his dog. In Boston they manage to catch up with Cass, even though cell phone service and wifi are really patchy, and she, Avery, Aisha, Dr Talley and the dog head to Kilkenny.

Avery's parents are there along with her brother, sister in law, and nephew. They plan to build a bunker in the basement to try to survive after the asteroid has hit, so they begin collecting supplies. Avery and Cass have to work out how to be around each other again.

Interspersed with the present day are flashbacks to different times in Avery's life - realising she was in love with Cass, prom with a boy called Clayton, starting college, and more. I liked these flashbacks as they explained Avery's life and how she had got to the point of wanting to take her life. 

The book is extremely sad but very well written. I'm giving it four out of five. 

If you would like other books in a similar vein, I would recommend On the Beach by Nevil Shute and Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel 

The Year I Didn't Eat by Samuel Pollen - Review

Where did I get it? I bought it recently - the author was one of those featured in NYALitfest so I bought this when I bought a few from there. 

What's it about? Max is fourteen and at the beginning of the book it's nearly Christmas. Max has anorexia. His family all know about it - his parents, who have problems of their own, and his brother Robin - and are trying to help, but can't always. Max has a therapist, who gives him homework like 'eat a chocolate bar'. Max has two friends at school, Stu and Ram, but he feels like his disease is pulling him away from them too. There's also a new girl at school, Evie, who is quite weird but who seems to like Max... 

For Christmas, Robin gives Max a geocache. This is a box that anyone can set up - it's a real thing! - where people visit them by following directions to them and leave little notes. Max begins to receive notes from a friend... 

Obviously, massive trigger warnings for this book for anorexia, anixety, calorie counting, body shame, and so on. I found this a difficult book to read and I'm 37. I think it gets over perfectly how anxiety inducing living with an illness like this is. 

I liked it - I liked Max and I wanted him to be well. I liked how the book was set out and how so much happened in it. 

What age range is it for? I realise Max is fourteen, so maybe it's okay for fourteen year olds - but this is a really tough book. Take care of yourself or your teenage, please. 

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? No 

Are any main characters people of colour? No 

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? I mean yes, obviously. Max is very, very unwell. 

Is there any sex stuff? No 

Are drugs mentioned or used? I think there's a little bit about prescription drugs 

Is there any talk of death? Yes. BE CAREFUL. I can't say this enough! 

Are there swear words? No 

 

What criticisms do I have? Well, first of all, my book was very badly proofread which annoyed me. There were grammatical errors all over and there was an English teacher called Miss French and then the school nurse was called Miss French at one point but then in the same paragraph her name was Miss Finchley. Annoying!

Secondly, I would have liked more exposition at the end. I felt like it ended quite abruptly and there were a couple of story threads (to do with the other people in the book mainly, although somewhat to do with Max too) that I would have liked to know how they were resolved.

Thirdly, I would have liked to know how Max's family found out he was anorexic to start with and how he started getting treatment. 

Would I recommend the book?  Yes, but please be careful 

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? I have been hearing really good things about it.  

What do I think of the cover? I quite like how it's stylised.  

What other books is it like? The obsessive thoughts part of it really reminded me Am I Normal Yet by Holly Bourne 

How many stars? Four out of five. I did like it, but with caveats 

Paper Avalanche by Lisa Williamson - Review

Where did I get it? I think I said previously that I bought a few books from Round Table Books that were on the Carnegie longlist, and this was one of them. I haven't actually read any of Lisa's other books before, although I own The Art of Being Normal and it's even signed as I've met Lisa a couple of times. I've just never got around to reading it, but now I think I might do! I have read Floored, which Lisa was one of the contributing authors of. 

What's it about? Ro Snow is fourteen and lives with her mum, Bonnie. The two of them aren't close. Bonnie is a compulsive hoarder and the house is a mess. Ro can't have a bath because there's stuff in it, she can't remember the colour of the carpet in the hallway, and she lives in constant fear of Bonnie dying under a mountain of stuff. She also lives in fear of Social Services being told about the neglect she's suffering, so she very much keeps herself to herself. Bonnie is a singer but often overspends as part of her hoarding, and the two of them don't have a lot of spare money. 

Ro's dad is around, Ro sees him once a month. He lives with his wife Melanie and her daughter Izzy, who he regards as his own daughter. He's not very caring towards Ro and seems content with his perfect life and new family. Ro keeps her room locked, and perfectly clean, and doesn't have any friends.

Then some new people move in next door, and Ro gets friendly with new boy Noah. He's at boarding school, though, so she doesn't see a lot of him. She's just starting Year 10 and there's a new girl in her class, Tanvi. Well, she's not exactly new, she's been ill and is back at school after recovering from cancer. She and Ro get seated together and she is determined to crack Ro's high walls and be friends with her. Tanvi is adorable, I really liked her. She pushes Ro and I loved how their friendship grew. 

I loved Ro. I felt sorry for her, and I understood why she was like she was, but I also found her brave, and plucky, and in need of a hug. I thought both her parents were awful, but I also thought Bonnie was a good character. Hoarding compulsively is a serious mental illness and I thought that was well put across in the book. This is an excellent YA book. There are so many teenagers who fly under the radar when they really shouldn't, for whatever reason, and this book shone a spotlight upon a story that readers might identify with. 

What age range is it for? Ro is fourteen, so I'm going to say from there. It is in parts a difficult book to read. 

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? No 

Are any main characters people of colour? Tanvi is Hindu - this is a lovely part of the book and I really liked her and her family. 

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? Bonnie obviously has mental health problems. It's written really well and I felt sorry for her while I also felt really sorry for Ro. I think Ro understands that her mother is ill even while she is angry and frustrated with her - a condition that I understand a lot from my own life. 

Is there any sex stuff? Not at all. 

Are drugs mentioned or used?  No 

Is there any talk of death? A little bit, it is a tiny bit graphic but it's really small. 

Are there swear words? No 

What criticisms do I have? I have really few, so really I'm just nitpicking, but at times I thought Ro read as older than fourteen going on fifteen. This could be partly because of everything she's been through, but I'm not sure. But then there's a bit where she's arguing with someone, and it was so perfectly like a fourteen year old that I thought it was amazing. 

I was also confused about where exactly it was set. It's set in a fictional place called Ostborough, and Ro goes to Birmingham and then to London, in a way that makes it seem like Birmingham is closer to her home. But I would have liked a little bit more clarity on that. 

I would have also liked a little bit more description about what the house looked like so that I could picture it better. It's supposed to look awful from the outside, but I didn't quite understand why. I would have liked a bit more there - was there stuff in the garden or was it just a general air of neglect?

But I am just being picky because in all I really enjoyed this book. 

Would I recommend the book? Yes absolutely. I told a friend of mine who is a teacher and who works with kids who are in need of extra support that she should read it immediately. 

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? Because I'm determined to read all these Carnegie books as soon as I can! 

What do I think of the cover? It's cute, I like the blue and yellow. It fits with Lisa's other books (although the copy of the book I have is a different - hardback - one)

What other books is it like? Oooh gosh. It reminded me of something by Sarah Crossan, although it's in prose not poetry. 

How many stars? Five out of five. I loved it. I couldn't stop reading it. Stephanie from A Little But A Lot has started a new YA chat on Sunday evenings on Twitter which I'm always late for, but she recently asked about why we give five star ratings. It made me think, because sometimes, I'm not sure whether to give a four or a five. They're both ratings that mean I've really enjoyed the book, so what makes a book jump to five from four? Often, it's just about feelings. If a book has made me really feel something, then I'll give it a five. And this made me feel a lot of things. 

Where is the book going now? I'll definitely keep it! 

And the Stars Were Burning Brightly by Danielle Jawando - Review

First of all this is a book about a boy who has just lost his brother to suicide, so there is obviously a lot of chat about suicide. Danielle talks at the beginning of the book about how she was bullied at school and attempted suicide because of that, so obviously this book is very personal for her. 

I also have to say that I have the experience of surviving the suicide of a loved one. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 24, when he was 55. He had been ill for quite a while beforehand, but we obviously didn't know it would end in suicide. It's twelve years later and I still deal with the grief of it. Suicide is a grief like no other - not only is it a sudden death, but it's got a unique grief to it because there's understandably anger, abandonment, and an eternal questioning of why it happened and how you could have done something to help. After Caroline Flack's recent death, I wrote this piece for Global Comment about surviving a suicide, which I would encourage you all to read. What I'm saying is, this is a subject close to my heart and I really wanted the book to do it justice. 

Where did I get it? Netgalley, so many thanks to Simon & Schuster for granting me access to this book. 

What's it about? Nate is fifteen years old and lives in Wythenshawe in Manchester with his mum, two brothers Saul and Al, and sister Phoebe. At the very beginning of the book, it is just a couple of days since Al has taken his own life. Nate found him and is obviously very shocked and dealing with his grief. Nate also feels really guilty because Al phoned him just before he died, but Nate didn't pick up and now he thinks that if he had, he could have saved Al. 

He makes friends with Al's friend Megan. Half of the novel is told from her point of view. Al was an artist, and Megan starts to work with Al's artwork to find out what he was going through. There's also excerpts from Al's sketchbook, things he wanted to write down, at the beginning of each chapter. 

Nate is convinced there's some reason as to why Al died, and he tries to uncover why Al had stopped talking to her best friend Lewi. Lewi hangs around with these idiots Eli and Connor now, and Nate isn't sure what happened. However, Saul, Nate's eldest brother, wants him to leave things alone.

Meanwhile Megan, who liked Al but never really stood up for him, mostly because she feared teasing from her best friend Tara. Now that Al is dead, she feels awful about it. Tara keeps saying awful things to her and Megan starts to put some distance between them. There's more bullying going on, especially online. There's quite a few excerpts of online harassment and so on. 

This book is great because it's set in the north and features a working class family! It's something we badly need more of in YA fiction and I am so happy I got to read this book for that reason as well as many others. Go, buy it immediately. 

What age range is it for? 15+ as there's some violence and obviously talk about suicide. 

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? Yes, and that's all I'll say. 

Are any main characters people of colour? Yes, Nate and his family are mixed race. Their dad, who walked out a couple of years prior to the book, is black. 

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? No, but there's obviously chat about bad mental health and so on. 

Is there any sex stuff? No 

Are drugs mentioned or used? I think there's a few mentions of weed, but nothing graphic or too strong. 

Is there any talk of death? Yes, obviously. Some of it is graphic as Nate comes to terms with his brother's death, so be careful. 

Are there swear words? Yes, judiciously used. I actually loved the way language was used in the book, and the way that especially Nate's personality came out through the slang he used. It felt really northern, too, for instance there was a lot of "I weren't" instead of "I wasn't". 

What criticisms do I have? Almost none, but there were a couple of times when I thought discussion of how Al killed himself was too graphic. This may have been changed before the final print, though.  

Would I recommend the book? Yes absolutely, it's brilliant. 

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? I just wanted to get to it quickly!

What do I think of the cover? I think it's really vibrant and eye catching, and it's a bit like some of Al's artwork, so it works really well. 

What other books is it like? It reminded me of Jackpot by Nic Stone, the family situations are written about similarly. 

How many stars? Five out of five, it's absolutely fantastic. I loved both Nate and Megan and thought their grief was brilliantly done. 

And the Stars Were Burning Brightly was published on 9th March 2020. I was given a free electronic copy of the novel but was not compensated in any other way for this post. All thoughts and opinions are my own. 

The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James - Review

Where did I get it? I bought it at the Northern YA Lit Festival in March, and had it signed by Lauren there. 

What's it about? Romy is on a spaceship heading towards a planet which is likely to sustain human life, and she is alone, with supplies to make a new civilisation when she gets to the other planet. The spaceship left earth years and years ago and Romy was born on board. She's alone after an accident killed her parents, but she gets regular emails from someone at NASA. She manages to keep the spaceship going with her own knowledge, but all the same it was terrifying to think of being alone like that. Especially because there's a delay of around eighteen months between emails being sent and being received, so it was like a newsletter rather than a conversation. 

One day Romy receives news that another ship has left earth to come and help her, with just one person on board. She starts to receive emails from J, and over the months that it takes for him to reach her, she starts to fall in love with him. 

This book is so well written, and extremely creepy. I hate the idea of space travel anyway, but especially by myself. I thought it was alternately fascinating and terrifying, and I really enjoyed it. 

What age range is it for? 14+, probably. 

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? No

Are any main characters people of colour? No

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? Romy has some kind of PTSD going on for sure, which is very understandable. 

Is there any sex stuff? No 

Are drugs mentioned or used? I don't think so 

Is there any talk of death? Yes, some of it is quite gory and traumatic. 

Are there swear words? I don't think so. 

What criticisms do I have? Almost none, it was one of those books where I think "Well I wouldn't have written it like that", but that doesn't mean it was bad or wrong, just different. I liked that Lauren's own passion for science shone through, I am obviously pro encouraging girls into STEM subjects. 

Would I recommend the book? Yes absolutely, even if you don't normally read YA. 

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? I was actually looking for something else, and pulled it off the shelf. 

What other books is it like? When I was about seventeen I read a book called Calling B For Butterfly which is about teenagers and space travel. 

How many stars? Eight out of ten 

Where is the book going now? It's signed so I'll keep it of course! I also think it has the most gorgeous cover. 

The Taste of Blue Light by Lydia Ruffles - Review

Where did I get it? Netgalley, so thank you to Hodder Children's Books. 

What's it about? I read the first chapter of this book via Maximum Pop last year, and was intrigued by it. As I said in this post, we first meet Lux when she's looking back on the Leavers Ball she attended at the end of her first year of 6th form. She's then back at her school, a bohemian school full of artists and writers, and she's suffering from amnesia and terrible migraines. She's also got synaesthesia, which means that she tastes colours and feels the colour red too much. She knows something happened on her last day at an internship in an art gallery, but can't remember what. All she knows is that she woke up in hospital. 

She's fallen out with her parents and is relying heavily on her friends Olivia and Mei. She has to have therapy at school with Dr B, and she's also getting close to new boy Cal. 

This book took me ages to read and to begin with I thought it just wasn't grabbing me, but I couldn't put my finger on why. I didn't like Lux to begin with, but I did by the end, and I think it was her character that salvaged the book in its entirety for me. I felt like more depth was needed, and some bits were skated over when I would have liked more detail. But, this is a decent book and I would definitely pick up something else by the same author. 

What age range is it for? 16+, some of the subject matter is pretty harrowing. 

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? She's not exactly a main character, but Lux's friend Georgia is. 

Are any main characters people of colour? I assume that Mei is Chinese, given her name, but it's not explicitly said. Also, Lux's parents live in Singapore and I wasn't sure if she was Singaporean, but I'm pretty sure she was white and she just lived there. I would have liked to see more representation here. 

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? Yes, I'm going to say Lux is due to her memory issues and other mental health problems. 

Is there any sex stuff? Yes, and it's quite explicit. 

Are drugs mentioned or used? Yes, both prescription drugs and illegal drugs are used and mentioned. 

Is there any talk of death? Yes, and it's quite gory in places. 

Are there swear words? A few 

What criticisms do I have? I think I've outlined them above. I didn't dislike the book, but I thought it was a bit inconsistent. 

Would I recommend the book? Yes, despite my criticisms. 

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? It downloaded to my Kindle and I remembered I'd liked the first chapter, so started it. 

What other books is it like? It's been compared a lot to We Were Liars by E Lockhart, which is honestly a very apt comparison. 

How many stars? I was thinking I would give it six out of ten, but then at the last minute decided it's more like seven and a half. This is mostly due to Lux herself, who I really warmed to, and also to the epilogue which I liked. 

A Quiet Kind of Thunder by Sara Barnard - Review

Where did I get it? I bought it for myself, I really liked Sara's book Beautiful Broken Things so I bought this one. It's ages ago though, but I've been meaning to get to the book!

What's it about? Stef suffers with acute anxiety and has spent most of her school life silent, a selective mute. That's been okay as she's had best friend Tem with her, but now it's the start of sixth form and Tem has gone to college, while Stef is left at their school. But she's determined to speak, because her parents aren't sure she'll be able to cope with university if she can't.

Then on the first day she meets Rhys, who's deaf. They're introduced because Stef can sign a little bit, and two become friends. They slowly start to fall for each other, and Stef slowly overcomes some of her major obstacles.

I really liked how it was clear that Stef didn't "get over" her illnesses due to her boyfriend or due to the medication she was using, but that both things helped her to feel more confident. I liked the relationship between Stef and Tem, and thought it was a really good portrayal of teenaged friendship with all the good and bad that can have. I liked the relationship between Stef and Rhys, although I did think Rhys was a little bit too perfect at times. I thought the portrayal of Stef's anxiety was really true to life, and I say that as someone who has lived with anxiety for almost twenty years now. I liked the supporting cast too - Rhys' family especially, but Stef's parents, step-parents, and little sister too. It's a really good book!

What age range is it for? 15+

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? No 

Are any main characters people of colour? Yes, Tem is black. 

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? Yes, of course. I really liked the look into the deaf world, I'd have liked to see more of Rhys' friends actually. 

Is there any sex stuff? Yes, quite a bit, and it's quite explicit. I thought it was great because Stef was very much like "Is that it?" once she'd done it. 

Are drugs mentioned or used? Prescription ones, yes 

Is there any talk of death? Yes, it's not graphic though. 

Are there swear words? No I don't think so? Very few, if there are. 

What criticisms do I have? None, overly. Rhys was a bit too perfect, but Stef loved him, so I sort of forgive her for thinking that. 

Would I recommend the book? Absolutely

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? Well, oddly, I didn't mean to read it, but I went to the Turkish baths in Harrogate on Monday, and needed to take a paper book to read in there since my tablet might get damaged in the heat. I perused my shelves before I set off and was taken with this one. I read about a quarter of it while relaxing in the baths. 

What other books is it like? The main relationship between Stef and Rhys reminded me very much of Paper Butterflies by Lisa Heathfield. It has hints of Holly Bourne's books too. 

How many stars? Eight and a half out of ten. 

Where is the book going now? I'm keeping it - look at that beautiful pink cover! 

Hello Me, It's you by Hannah Todd (Ed) - Review

I received this book from the publishers on Netgalley, and was intrigued to read it. It is a collection of letters from young adults, up to 24 years old, writing letters to themselves at 16. There's a particular emphasis on mental health issues, which I have suffered from myself since I was a very young child. I was finally diagnosed with depression when I was fourteen and started on medication and with some counselling. I was further diagnosed with anxiety when I was seventeen, and I have struggled on and off with that ever since. At the moment I'm doing really well and am unmedicated, but I've had a lot of counselling, a lot of medication, and I struggle. I would ask for help again if I needed it, no doubt. 

The book raised money for the charity of the same name, details of which can be found here. It is a really worthwhile cause!

My own mental health history meant that I was really interested to read this book, and I really liked it. A lot of the stories were really touching and often quite difficult to read. It got me thinking about what I would write to myself, even though I am over twice that age. I lost my dad when I was 24, so I think I would warn myself about this, since I would have so few years left with him. I would probably tell myself that even though I still struggle with my mental health, I have a lot more confidence in myself and care less about what other people think about me. I would tell myself to get serious about my writing quicker than I have.

I can't give this book anything less than five out of five, because of the subject matter and because of the open and heartfelt way so many people shared intimate details of their lives. Thank you to all the writers, you are all amazing humans.

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert - Review

Where did I get it? I bought it on Kindle, it was £4.99 which is more than I generally like to spend on Kindle books, but I'd heard it was really good so I thought I'd give it a chance. 

What's it about? Suzette is coming back to LA at the beginning of the book. She has been at a boarding school in Massachussetts, sent away by her parents while they dealt with her brother Lionel's bipolar disorder the previous summer. Her brother's nickname is Lion, and he calls her Little, hence the title of the book. They are a blended family; Suzette and her mother are black, and while Saul and Lionel are white, they are Jewish. Suzette (and I think her mum too?) converted to Judaism and it's an important part of her identity too. 

While at school, Suzette had a relationship with her roommate Iris. The two were outed part way through the second semester, and broke up. Suzette likes girls and is coming to terms with that part of herself. Back in LA, Suzette starts to have a crush on her friend Emil, who she's known all their lives, but she also has a crush on Rafaela, a friend of a friend. Meanwhile, Lionel is getting iller and Suzette doesn't know how to cope. There's a lot going on in this book but it's an easy read. Suzette is very easy to like and I liked her family, I liked how each of them wasn't perfect but tried very hard to think of others. 

I felt like there were a lot of strands in the book that didn't get resolved, and they stopped it from being a perfect book for me. For instance, why was Catie so rude? How did Suzette and Iris get outed at school? How did they leave it between them? There were also tons of characters and at some points, like at parties, I had to concentrate really hard to remember who was who. I feel like some storylines and characters could have been cut without affecting the story. I know that life is messy and imperfect, so it could be that all these storylines were a conscious decision, but I would have liked the whole thing to be a bit tighter than it was. 

What age range is it for? 14+, for a discerning reader 

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? Yes, Suzette herself, and she has a couple of queer friends too. 

Are any main characters people of colour? Yes again, Suzette herself and her mum. Emil is mixed race, black and Korean. Rafaela is Hispanic too I think. There's a great bit when Suzette and Emil are swimming and get a racist comment from someone also there, and immediately call her out (although I wish she had apologised to their faces). 

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? Yes, Lionel. The depiction of his bipolar disorder isn't too graphic, but may be too much for some readers. I felt like some bits were skated over, but I appreciate that this is a book for teens. 

Is there any sex stuff? Yes, and it is a great example of sex in YA literature. It's not graphic, it's very lovely, and they use protection. Wonderful! There's also descriptions of sexual assault, so be careful if that is a trigger for you. 

Are drugs mentioned or used? Yes, there's a couple of mentions of using weed, and there's obviously stuff about Lionel's prescription drugs too.  

Is there any talk of death? Yes, a little. 

Are there swear words? Yes, I thought the dialogue was really natural and lovely in a lot of places. 

What criticisms do I have? As I said, I think there were too many strands which never had a good resolution which I would have liked to see. 

Would I recommend the book? Yes, a hundred percent. It's really sweet and has a lot going on but it's done in a really good way. I would definitely read something else by this author. 

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? I was scrolling through my Kindle and it was quite close to the top. 

What other books is it like? It reminded me in parts of As I Descended by Robin Talley, not just for the boarding school parts but for the best parts of being a teenager

How many stars? Four out of five. Not perfect, but really good!

Solitaire, This Winter, and Nick & Charlie, by Alice Oseman - Reviews

Recently, I picked up Solitaire by Alice Oseman because as part of a reading challenge I needed to read a book by an author younger than me and I know that Alice is a lot younger than me, I think she's 22 this year. I started reading it and mentioned it to my YA loving friend when I saw her at Sheffield Zine Fest last weekend. She didn't like the book very much, so I was wondering how I'd find it because we usually have similar tastes in books. She did mention though that there was a novella about the same characters. 

When I finished Solitaire - which I liked a lot! - I went looking for the novella and found that there are in fact two! One is set a couple of weeks before the events of Solitaire, and one is set a couple of months afterwards. I bought both and read them in the same day, I really enjoyed them too. I thought I'd review all three books at the same time. 

Where did I get it? I bought it at YA Shot in 2015, when Alice was on a panel there. It's signed to me!

What's it about? In Solitaire, Tori Spring is in her first year of 6th form and she is just really sad and depressed. She doesn't have any hobbies except for spending hours on the internet, and she doesn't have many friends. Her friend Becky is getting obsessed with a new boy, which doesn't help. One day, Tori follows a series of post it notes through school and ends up meeting a new student at school, Michael Holden. He then introduces her to Lucas, who she used to know.

Meanwhile, a guerilla group called Solitaire is wreaking havoc on the school, and through its choices, it seems like they are targetting Tori in particular. Plus, at home things aren't great either - Tori's brother Charlie has been in hospital due to his anorexia, and the family is still reeling from that.

This Winter is set just a couple of weeks before Solitaire, and is set at Christmas, just after Charlie has returned from hospital. Part of it is from Tori's point of view and part of it is from Charlie's. I really liked Charlie as a character and would have liked to read more from his

viewpoint. 

Nick & Charlie is set a couple of months after Solitaire, but doesn't have much to do with the events of that book. It's about Nick (Charlie's boyfriend, present in all three books) leaving school and preparing to go to university and the impact that has on their relationship. It's very sweet and lovely, I really enjoyed it. 

Now, I appreciate that Alice was very young when writing Solitaire, and it does show in parts. The writing is clunky in some bits and overstated in others. But writing is a craft and you only get better with practice. There are some gorgeous turns of phrase, and I really liked how Alice got across the sadness and ennui that Tori feels. I really enjoyed all three books and I'm glad to have read them. I've got Alice's other novel, Radio Silence, sitting around somewhere, and I would definitely pick it up soon

What age range is it for? 15+

Are any main characters LGBTQ+? Yes, Charlie

Are any main characters people of colour? No

Are any main characters disabled either mentally or physically? Yes, Charlie, and if you want my armchair opinion Tori could benefit from some counselling and medication too.

Is there any sex stuff? Yes, in Nick & Charlie, it's very, very mild. 

Are drugs mentioned or used? I think there might be like one mention of weed, and there's some alcohol use

Is there any talk of death? Not much

Are there swear words? Yes, infrequent though. 

Would I recommend the book? Yes, especially if you are that age and in sixth form.

Why did I choose to read it at this point in life? As above, I wanted to read a young author for my challenge.

What other books is it like? Gosh, I don't know. It's fairly typical of contemporary UK novels. I think if you like it, you might also like Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. It's also about a teenage girl who is depressed and bored.

How many stars? Seven out of ten.

Where is the book going now? I'm going to keep it as it's signed, of course.